Video: How to Stay A Virgin

Things have been fairly heavy on Sex & the Sanctuary so I figured I’d lighten things up a bit on this Humpday. Earlier this week I asked on Facebook how people who have committed to abstinence, either as a premarital principle or for another reason, maintain that commitment. I wanted to know the practical and impractical measures people take to remain chaste. Unfortunately only one person responded with the tip that she stops shaving and waxing “the naughty bits.” I was disappointed because I know I have friends who are practicing abstinence but another friend alerted me to the fact that my question might be a little more complex than I realize–and also that people might not feel comfortable answering that question in a public space. Point taken.

Interestingly enough though, a response to my question landed in my inbox yesterday. Granted this isn’t a direct response–I don’t know this guy in real or virtual life–and he is addressing a young woman who is a virgin, but I do appreciate his advice to her. It isn’t the Evangelical Christian clichés rattled off to young people about remaining chaste–which means it isn’t full of that rhetoric. It’s real, practical advice guided by one person’s experience and a good sense of humor.  So here it is:

What do you think? Are daytime dates and unshaven naughty bits what you would suggest to someone? If you or someone you know is abstinent or celibate, how is that personal commitment maintained? What are the practical measures taken to remain abstinent if such a lifestyle is chosen? (There is no wrong answer, additional I’m not an undercover agent for Purity Culture or Pro-Abstinence, I’m just a writer/researcher interested in the topic and what people really do when they are abstinent.)


  1. Your humor is awesome and I loved your transparency! You took a topic that isn’t talked about regularly and made it fun. I’m celibate and have been for 2 and half years. You touched on this but one of the most important things is knowing your limits and knowing yourself. The word tells us: the flesh is weak but the spirit is stronger (Matt. 26:41). You can’t trust your flesh! So it’s import an to stay watchful and not put yourself in tempting situations. Abstinence is not easy but it is possible!

    – Jasmine C.
    Founder of Celibate Sisters


  2. I have not watched the video yet, but I personally don’t think not shaving your “naughty bits” is an effective tactic at maintaining abstinence, especially because pubic hairs are not universally gross to men. I have met some men who say pubic hairs are natural, albeit all 5 were not American. The idea that women have to shave their labia majora area is very Ameri-centric (if that’s a word) and personally I would not need my (male) partner to shave either. I also have a suspicion that Lindsey from sexplanations does not shave at all and she has a male partner.

    As sex educator, Al Vernacchio, says if we did not have hair, we would be reptiles, not mammals.

    Nair simply made women believe that they have to get rid of something that is natural and unavoidable (body hair) in order to make more money.


    • So I’m going to go ahead and put myself as the abstinent non shaver/non shaving abstainee only because my comment was completely misunderstood. Me not shaving isn’t about men preferring hair or not (as if to say that because I stopped shaving, I’d have less luck gettin laid. That’s silly).

      My comment about non shaving was facetious to be sure, but the bit of seriousness in it is strictly reflective of MY comfort with pubic hair. I personally prefer less down there when I’m “active” and am more likely resist err “carnal urges”- both mine and someone else’s- if my stuff isn’t all the way right. It has nothing to do with anyone but me.


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